SHE LIVES.

Holy crapmonkeys, it's been a month since I posted anything? Guh. I so massively fail at life for my shameful neglect of you, O INTERNETZ THAT I ADORE SO MUCH.

Let's see, what amazingly entertaining shenanigans have been going on in the Life of the Platypus lately? Um...oh em gee, this totally calls for bullet points!

• I have been been on a knitting bender LIKE WHOA. I thought it would be a Super Cool Awesomely Brilliant idea to try to knit giftymas presents for the in-laws (because there's only four of them; there's eleventy-kazillion people in my family so knitting presents for all of them is right out), but I now realize that this is about as likely as me suddenly becoming President of the World and having a movie deal in the works where Mr. Platypus is played by Johnny Depp or Nathan Fillion and hel-LO, would that not be AWESOME? You need to get right on that, Hollywood! Oh, wait, where was I going with this? Uh...


• I had two interviews for a sooper-dooper new job at a Mad Crazy Fancy Spa. I did not get hired at said Mad Crazy Fancy Spa. Strangely, this bothers me not at all. I think I would implode from sheer boredom if I had to do nothing but relaxation-oriented massage all day. I like fixin' busted muscles, yo. It's my thing; it's what I do.


• I have gotten exactly nothing accomplished towards the whole Going Back To School endeavor. I did, however, begin considering whether I wanna just lose my mind and double-major in Biology and Human Health/Rehab for the bachelor's degree bit of it. Ponder, ponder, ponder.


• I now weigh the same as I did in high school! NONE OF MY PANTS FIT AND THIS IS AWESOME. No, for serious. I adore the fact that all of my pants are baggy as hell and I'm no longer Rocking The Sexy in them. Because honestly, I'm all slender and sexalicious with my bad self. Oh, Reverse Crunch Extensions. You and I are bee-eff-effs FOR LIFE. Okay, I'm done gloating. For now. No, come to think of it, I'm probably not done.
  


• I managed not to beat Crazy Mommy-Dearest-In-Law over the head with a pepper grinder during Thanksgiving dinner! Probably because we had dinner in a restaurant, and I didn't want to Cause A Scene, but yanno, whatevs. Point remains that I didn't maim her (despite ample provocation, let me tell you. That woman, she is the crazy.).

Other than that (and really, let's be truthful here and ignore my silly-ass list), a whole lotta nothing has been going on. I made an apple pie tonight! Whee!

For the record, you guys should totally go watch Mega-Shark vs. Giant Octopus. Debbie Gibson trying to pretend to be a marine biologist? HILARITY ENSUES.

I am way too fond of my caps lock key.